When your child has their first crush

It all started a couple of months ago with an innocent game called “flick-tag.” Ella came home telling me how her friends have been playing this game where they chase after each other and try and “flick” each other. I really never understood the point of the game, however the one thing that stood out to me was that she told me she was playing it with a group of boys.

Then a couple of days ago Ella told me how her close girlfriend had asked her to get information from a certain boy for her. She wanted Ella to see what he likes because she has a crush on him. This opened up the opportunity for me to talk with Ella about whether she has a crush on any boys. Then I got the answer I was not prepared to hear – yes.

Looking back to when I was a child I did not even notice boys until close to junior high. I never thought I would be talking to my six year old about having a crush. I did my best to stay calm, but on the inside I was in total panic mode. I thought I had years before Ella would even think about noticing boys.

My husband and I found ourselves in a situation where we had to start talking about what age is a good age for Ella to have a real boyfriend. At first we thought 25, but then we settled on 18.

We talked to Ella about what it means to have a crush. We made an effort to not shut her down by telling her “come on you are too young for a crush.” We really validated her feelings by asking her questions like, “So what do you like about this boy?”  By having an open  conversation with Ella, we learned that her crush is very innocent.

Through this experience, we realized how important it is to start talking with our daughter about being respectful to her body and herself before the pre-teen hormones start to set in. We know now that we need to closely monitor the situation to make sure it does not turn into something more. We also need to make sure and continue to talk with Ella about her feelings related to boys and relationships. Crushes can be healthy and can be used to teach children about future relationships as long as the parents play an active role in communication with their children.

Tell Us: Have your children talked with you about their first crush yet? How old were you when you had your first crush?

Shelby Barone is a local blogger and owner of Glitterful Felt Stories. She lives in Aliso Viejo with her husband and three children.

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